


'Goodbye Regulus'

by Padfoot_Lupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Goodbyes, Grief/Mourning, Jegulus Week 2021 | Starchaser Week 2021, M/M, Multi, One Shot, Post-Break Up, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:41:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29921193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Padfoot_Lupin/pseuds/Padfoot_Lupin
Summary: Lily's 17th birthday and a year since the breakup.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	'Goodbye Regulus'

**Regulus**

Regulus Black was many things but he was not an idiot.He knew what today was it had been going around the back of his mind for weeks. He couldn't stop it, he thought about it when he saw him, when he saw her, when he saw them together. He wanted to hate seeing them together but he couldn't, he couldn't hate how clearly happy James was but he hated her. He was certain of that, he hated Lily Evans and today that hatred was as strong as ever. January 30th 1997, Lily's 17th birthday and exactly one year since James ended it with him. 

He wasn't over James, he didn't think he ever would be, he constantly thought back to the two years they spent together and then the night everything got out of hand and it ended without even a goodbye. When he was alone he would sometimes allow himself to look back on the photos he had of them, he'd think and wonder if James ever thought of him. How quickly did he move on? Was Regulus really just a stranger now? Could James really throw away two years so easily?

He took extra long to get ready that morning, hoping he could miss the gigantic show James was bound to put on for Lily. He used to tell Regulus about all these huge shows he'd have done for him, if they were able to date publicly. Regulus loved the thought of them, of James doing that for him of showing everyone how in love they were. 'Were' he kept thinking, you were in love, you were boyfriends. Still a year later he didn't like thinking of it like that, he secretly hoped that one day they'd find there way back to each other, somehow. 

"Come on Reg, your like a bloody snail this morning, move your ass along," came Barty's voice bellowing through the bathroom wall. He turned the shower off and tied a towel around his waist before going into their dorm. "I'm going as fast as I can, you go down if you want," he was secretly hoping he would just leave. Regulus did love Barty, they were best friends but he just wanted to be alone today. "Oh cheer up, I don't want today to be another one of your pity parties," he said sounding slightly annoyed. 

Regulus was aware of how annoying he must of been in the past year, he did have quite a few 'down days' as he called them. He was pulling a shirt on now when Barty asked, "Are you ever gonna tell me what these days are about anyway? I know they ain't the war anytime something happens with that you don't seem arsed but yet you pick random days and you turn into a right depressed toser," Regulus could tell he was more hoping to be told a secret of The Noble and Ancient house of Black than caring for his friend. He was used to it by now though, that's why he never told anyone his secrets well except-. He snapped himself out of it before he could get emotional again.

"Right let's go down," he said trying his best to sound happy. He picked up his book bag and left the dorm with Barty behind him. He checked his watch as they left the common room, even though he tried to be slow he knew James had probably just woken up, he would sleep the full day if he could, Regulus remembered countless times waking up in the Gryffindor dorm and all four boys in there would be sleeping like dead people. There was no hope he would of missed them, so looks like he'll have to sit through it, he thought to himself. It couldn't be that bad anyway, but Merlin he was wrong.

-

He was half way through his toast when they arrived. He wasn't quite sure what he was expecting, all of the hall was already decorated in lily flowers before they even got there. They arrived like they would any normal day and sat down at the Gryffindor table. Lupin, Pettigrew, McKinnon, Macdonald and of course James were doing everything for her though. Regulus knew he was staring but didn't care, they had been together longer than those two and yet he was sat with her, buttering her toast and grinning at her like she was the best thing in the world. As he watched them he noticed his brother wasn't with them, he looked up and down the table and few times and he definitely wasn't there. If the way the hall was decorated wasn't enough this was, James definitely had something big planned.

No more than a minute later it started to happen, he didn't know where it was coming from but the song 'Happy Birthday' started blaring through the hall, he looked over at James who was grinning even wider now and looking above the Gryffindor table. No more than a second later hundred of Lily's appeared in the air spelling the words 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY LILY XX' they soon changed into cupcakes and floated down onto the table replacing the previous food, whilst pink balloons started falling from the ceiling. If the rest of the day hadn't upset Regulus this had, on his last birthday with James this was how James said he would of started it for Regulus. Obviously not with Lily's though. Cupcakes were his favourite food and James had got him 15 -as it was his fifteenth birthday- and sat next to him telling him about how he would of made them come floating down like that whilst Regulus ate the lot. He couldn't decided if he was annoyed with James for using it, or happy he remembered it. 

He looked over to him and found him all ready looking, it was the first time they'd even looked at each other in ages. His face was etched with a look of joy but his eyes looked almost apologetic for a second before turning back to Lily. Curse Lily he thought, curse my family and the dark lord for this war, curse the fact my brother got James, curse anyone who stood between them. It should be him next to James, him eating the cupcakes. Lily was now putting frosting onto James' nose while he tried to lick it off.

The door's to the hall burst open and Sirius came strutting in with a pink glittery box under his arm. 'This had to be the end of it' he thought. Sirius stood next to James who stood up and took the box off of him. Sirius quickly sat down next to the Lupin boy, not so discreetly took his hand and watched eagerly at the couple. Lily had the box now and she took the lid off. A tiny, ginger, kitten poked its head out, it had sort of a squashed looking face but Regulus couldn't deny it looked cute. The girl obviously thought so to as at the moment she started snogging James. He couldn't take it anymore he looked to his side where Mulciber and Barty sat both also looking disgusted at the couple though Regulus hoped not because they wanted to snog James. He nudged them both and all three left the great hall.

The other two went back to the common room, Regulus had told them he was going for a walk. He needed to be alone, somewhere no one would look for him. He knew if he wanted to be certain he was alone he should of gone to the Room of Requirement but he couldn't decided if it was because he wanted fresh air or because he knew that this would be the first place James looked for him. He doubted James would look for him though, it was his girlfriends birthday and they hadn't spoken in a year.

He wasn't sure what he was sad about, Was it the fact it had been a year? That James had clearly managed to move on and he hadn't? Or was it that every single part of him yearned to be the one kissing James Potter in the middle of the great hall but instead have to watch flower girl do it? 

-

It was around quarter of an hour into first period, he should of been in potions but he couldn't bring himself to move from the spot under the quidditch stands. "Hey," he froze at the voice, it was the only voice he wanted to hear right now yet he wanted to get as far away from him as possible. Speaking would only make Regulus fall more in love with him. He got up though and turned around. "Shouldn't you be with Lily," he spat out in his normal vicious tone, it felt strange to speak to James like this, but necessary. "Just walked her to class, I wanted to speak to you Reggie," he was walking closer now. 

"Don't call me that," he didn't know how to act, he hadn't have someone check up on him when he was sad before, other than when he and James were together and then they normally ended up snogging. "Okay then, I just wanted to check if your okay, Regulus." he looked concerned know, Regulus didn't like this, he would not start speaking to James about emotions and feelings, he barely liked doing that when they were together. 

"I'm fine James, We broke up ages ago you can show your girlfriend you love her without worrying about me," he tried to smile at him because he really didn't want James to think he still wasn't over the break up. "Exactly a year," he said as he leant against to the beam next to Regulus. "Feels like yesterday sometimes but then ten years ago at other times," he voice was free of it's usual cheeky tone and replaced by a almost mature one. "Yeah," was all he managed to say back because he did actually understand what he meant.

"Lately it's been feeling a lot more like yesterday than ten years though," he didn't know why he was opening up to James, he didn't want to but James had that effect on him. "Yeah couldn't stop thinking about it the other week, Sirius was getting worried about me, didn't know what was going on, couldn't tell him obviously. I just threw myself into planning Lily's birthday and it's why I ended up using the cupcake idea actually." Somehow this made him feel warm inside, James still thought about it, about him. He just nodded to this as he didn't know what to say. 

"After that day, how quickly did you umm.. how quickly did you move onto Lily?" he voice was very timid now. He wasn't sure why he'd asked that besides from the fact it had been going around his head for months and this was the first time they talked just the two of them in a year. "Well me and Lily got together in October, if that's what you meant but if you meant moved on from you then that well it took a few months, I think it was around June when I finally stopped mentally beating myself up for breaking up with you," James was also talking very shyly know and although Regulus loved speaking to James again, he knew this was probably a goodbye. 

It was awkward, James wasn't his Prongsie anymore and he wasn't James' Darling Reggie anymore, they were James Potter and Regulus Black. They would never have lasted even without the war and deep down Regulus had known that since they started dating when he was 13. James had Lily and Sirius and the Lupin boy and he had.. well he had The Noble and Ancient house of Black. He turned to the boy next to him, he grabbed his right hand out of his pocket and squeezed it one time before letting it go. James looked confused at this but let him do it. "Goodbye James," he tried his best to make his voice hold for the two simple words but it was no hope his voice was shaking. He wanted to run away, from Hogwarts, from his family, from the war and from James, he wanted to scream and cry until he'd done it so much it was physically impossible anymore. He wanted to run around the country side and just yell, he felt angry he couldn't have James, annoyed with the shit family he'd been given, afraid of the war and love. So much love for the boy besides him, love that would only put them both in danger. 

They looked at each other for a few more seconds, they didn't say anything but he knew James understood what the goodbye meant. It wasn't talk to you next week it was the goodbye neither of them got last year. It was what they were unaware would be the last words they spoke to each other. "Goodbye Regulus," James replied his voice was equally as shaky. He grabbed Regulus' hand and gave it a squeeze before dropping it, Regulus looked into his eyes. He could of sworn they was something else James wanted to say but he had to leave. He walked away and back up to the castle somehow he felt better than he had for a while, 'Maybe that's what you needed, a goodbye?' he thought. 

-

The two didn't speak after that day, they didn't look at each other in the hall at meal times, they didn't watch each other during quidditch games. James had Lily and they were happy and Regulus had his new mission, the one he'd assigned himself after Lily's birthday, take the Dark Lord down from the inside.

-

**James**

'Maybe we would of spoken more if we knew how it would end, maybe we could of at least been friends' he had a million thoughts swimming through his head as he tried to bring his breathing back down to normal. He though about that day, how he wished he could of said more he didn't know what he would of said, just more. He wished he could go back in time to fifth year and just hold Regulus in his arms forever, they would of never grown up, never grown apart and James wouldn't be sat here now re-reading the newspaper heading. 'BLACK HEIR CONFIRMED DEAD AT 18' he couldn't remember feeling pain like this before. 

As much as he wanted to go back and stay teenagers with him forever, he knew that was impossible and he knew it would mean he wouldn't of married Lily and as much as he did love Regulus he loved Lily more. He looked back at the other three Lily, Remus and Sirius. Sirius had managed to stop crying before he came over and seemed to be refusing to show any emotion. Lily and Remus were looking at him dumbstruck and rightfully so to them he was crying over the death of someone he never spoke to.

He got up from the table and left up the stairs. He ended up in a spare room, him and Lily kept some of their old Hogwarts things in here, they were saving them for their children. He went to one of the boxes and pulled out a smaller box inside it, there was a photo album. He turned straight to the right page, he'd done it so many times after the breakup he knew exactly which it was.

And there it was from the summer before his sixth year, he'd managed to convince Regulus to go into the muggle world with him. It was a picture of them on what James thought was called a rollacotter, neither of them had any idea how anything muggle worked which made the day even better, it was just them, no magic, no school house rivalries, no war. They were just two boys in love having the time of their life. 

"Goodbye Regulus," he whispered as a tear fell down onto a picture of Regulus eating cotton candy. 


End file.
